No posts of substance lately
Shame on me, I see to be too busy to update my online life. Seems like things have been moving at the speed of sound lately. Not quite ludicrous speed, but quickly, nonetheless.
I got an out-of-the-Carolina-blue email from an old college friend. From what I can gather, he's tons more successful than me right now, at least professionally. I can only hope we can actually stay in touch. I have wondered about him over the years but didn't know how to get in touch. Harder now that I am not in Carolina anymore, too.
Things with TSB are proceeding nicely, if somewhat jerkily. Fits and starts. Mostly from me. Apparently my last serious relationship left me more scarred than I would like to admit, and poor TSB is having to deal with this. I am trying like Hell not to subject him to my particular brand of crazy, but it just pops up at the darndest of times. Case in point:
We spent an absolutely delicious weekend together. It began Saturday night, as both of us were trying to keep in touch with our Other friends on Friday night and Saturday. But we met up Saturday night, we made dinner and watched a movie and tried to go to bed early. Ha, likely story. Yet another marathon night, which was fine, since the only thing we had to get up and do on Sunday was go to QB and DD's for Superbowl at 6 PM. Sleeping in was definitely an option. So we did. Spent a langorous day, doing nothing but playing with the dog and giving each other massages. A perfect way to spend a Sunday in my book. We headed over to QB's for the game, which was great because TSB fits in well with the other mens attached to my female friends. This is very good because I do not have to hold his hand all night long and play chaperone. This was my 6th S-bowl party at QB's and it is populated with some of my oldest friends at Brandeis. This is my adult family, and it was nice to see TSB interact with them. Plus there were fun stories from wild and crazy escapades of the past - can't have TSB thinking he is the only cuckoo one around. All in all it was a great night, even though the Seahawks couldn't pull it out.
We get back to my place after the game and TSB is going to spend the night, even though it is a work night. We put on some music and I laze on the couch while he gives me an ab fab foot rub (I am so a sucker for a good foot rub). We start getting a little heated, he tells me he loves me (not the first time) and I contemplate telling him that I am developing feelings for him. Well, this pretty much put me into an emotional tailspin, the likes of which even took me by surprise. The idea of expressing those sentiments and actually having something behind them scared the ever loving shit out of me and I ended up shutting down and shutting him out. Totally unfair of me and left him dazed and confused. I apologized and began to think that the only way to get out of this is to talk it out (as in therapy) but I am 1.) scared to share that much info so early on, 2.) scared to expose myself that much to anyone in whom I have a vested interest, for fear of driving him away with my Crazy Emotional State and 3.) not sure how to voice my emotions, since this sort of took me by surprise too. Who knew, when faced with the opportunity, this would happen? Not moi! I couldn't deal with his attempts to hug me (we are in the bed by this time) for about 4 hours. Mind you both of us have to go to work at 9 AM, so the fact that it took me that long to work through it and try to find the words to talk but not expose too much was not trivial. I really wish these things would not happen, but in the absence of that, couldn't they at least happen at a more opportune time (not 1 AM!!!)??? Quite honestly, though, he did say the sweetest thing when I said, "If you ever run into X, feel free to punch him for me," he replied with, "Trust me I want to do so much more than that." I don't know, I just feel comforted by such a sentiment.
I felt horrible about Sunday night into Monday morning and in an effort to make up for it broke my own rule of 'no weekdays' and invited him over last night. So much better.
On the protein front, the Akta is still down. I am getting seriously pissed with GE right now. Their incompetence is impinging on my thesis right now, and I am not pleased. Hopefully, this will get resolved this week. The boss is out of town on study section for the rest of the week, so at least I do not have to report nonexistent results. I have managed to prepare two samples for additional ICP-MS analysis, as the chick at UGA said my initial samples were not good. Bullocks. Anyway, the samples, upon concentration are not as pure as I had originally thought. But further purification requires a functional FPLC. AAARRRGGGGH.
I am more broke than usual this week. An unexpected bill from Brandeis set me back and now I am surviving on shoestrings until next payday. I am so ready to not be a student anymore. When I don't have the money to buy TP or do my laundry, then something is seriously wrong. OK, enough bitching.
Carolina lost to Dook last night in a nail biter. They're young and they have a lot of growing to do, but it looks like they just might be able to hold their own aginst more experienced teams. Go Heels!
I am sure there is more - like El Cubano Americano's citizenship party and poker and dinner at TSB's place. If the Akta doesn't get finished tomorrow and I am still this bored, I will write about all that.
Ciao
I got an out-of-the-Carolina-blue email from an old college friend. From what I can gather, he's tons more successful than me right now, at least professionally. I can only hope we can actually stay in touch. I have wondered about him over the years but didn't know how to get in touch. Harder now that I am not in Carolina anymore, too.
Things with TSB are proceeding nicely, if somewhat jerkily. Fits and starts. Mostly from me. Apparently my last serious relationship left me more scarred than I would like to admit, and poor TSB is having to deal with this. I am trying like Hell not to subject him to my particular brand of crazy, but it just pops up at the darndest of times. Case in point:
We spent an absolutely delicious weekend together. It began Saturday night, as both of us were trying to keep in touch with our Other friends on Friday night and Saturday. But we met up Saturday night, we made dinner and watched a movie and tried to go to bed early. Ha, likely story. Yet another marathon night, which was fine, since the only thing we had to get up and do on Sunday was go to QB and DD's for Superbowl at 6 PM. Sleeping in was definitely an option. So we did. Spent a langorous day, doing nothing but playing with the dog and giving each other massages. A perfect way to spend a Sunday in my book. We headed over to QB's for the game, which was great because TSB fits in well with the other mens attached to my female friends. This is very good because I do not have to hold his hand all night long and play chaperone. This was my 6th S-bowl party at QB's and it is populated with some of my oldest friends at Brandeis. This is my adult family, and it was nice to see TSB interact with them. Plus there were fun stories from wild and crazy escapades of the past - can't have TSB thinking he is the only cuckoo one around. All in all it was a great night, even though the Seahawks couldn't pull it out.
We get back to my place after the game and TSB is going to spend the night, even though it is a work night. We put on some music and I laze on the couch while he gives me an ab fab foot rub (I am so a sucker for a good foot rub). We start getting a little heated, he tells me he loves me (not the first time) and I contemplate telling him that I am developing feelings for him. Well, this pretty much put me into an emotional tailspin, the likes of which even took me by surprise. The idea of expressing those sentiments and actually having something behind them scared the ever loving shit out of me and I ended up shutting down and shutting him out. Totally unfair of me and left him dazed and confused. I apologized and began to think that the only way to get out of this is to talk it out (as in therapy) but I am 1.) scared to share that much info so early on, 2.) scared to expose myself that much to anyone in whom I have a vested interest, for fear of driving him away with my Crazy Emotional State and 3.) not sure how to voice my emotions, since this sort of took me by surprise too. Who knew, when faced with the opportunity, this would happen? Not moi! I couldn't deal with his attempts to hug me (we are in the bed by this time) for about 4 hours. Mind you both of us have to go to work at 9 AM, so the fact that it took me that long to work through it and try to find the words to talk but not expose too much was not trivial. I really wish these things would not happen, but in the absence of that, couldn't they at least happen at a more opportune time (not 1 AM!!!)??? Quite honestly, though, he did say the sweetest thing when I said, "If you ever run into X, feel free to punch him for me," he replied with, "Trust me I want to do so much more than that." I don't know, I just feel comforted by such a sentiment.
I felt horrible about Sunday night into Monday morning and in an effort to make up for it broke my own rule of 'no weekdays' and invited him over last night. So much better.
On the protein front, the Akta is still down. I am getting seriously pissed with GE right now. Their incompetence is impinging on my thesis right now, and I am not pleased. Hopefully, this will get resolved this week. The boss is out of town on study section for the rest of the week, so at least I do not have to report nonexistent results. I have managed to prepare two samples for additional ICP-MS analysis, as the chick at UGA said my initial samples were not good. Bullocks. Anyway, the samples, upon concentration are not as pure as I had originally thought. But further purification requires a functional FPLC. AAARRRGGGGH.
I am more broke than usual this week. An unexpected bill from Brandeis set me back and now I am surviving on shoestrings until next payday. I am so ready to not be a student anymore. When I don't have the money to buy TP or do my laundry, then something is seriously wrong. OK, enough bitching.
Carolina lost to Dook last night in a nail biter. They're young and they have a lot of growing to do, but it looks like they just might be able to hold their own aginst more experienced teams. Go Heels!
I am sure there is more - like El Cubano Americano's citizenship party and poker and dinner at TSB's place. If the Akta doesn't get finished tomorrow and I am still this bored, I will write about all that.
Ciao
posted by beaner at 7:11 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home